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A Woman on Men
by Michelle
Walking on the street, you see more and more Asian women dating men of other ethnicities. Why you ask? Well, why not? Some people consider it race hating or even improving the "blood line," but in all reality, women are just choosing from the pool of suitors that have stepped up to the plate. Whether it is in the culture, part of an environment one was raised in or just plain balls...if you don't show a woman you're interested, you'll never get any play.
Many Asian men complain to me and say "Asian women are stuck-up," that we're "unapproachable" and "unresponsive." Perhaps we are. Just as Asian men have been raised to hide emotion, be strong and provide for the family, I was raised with a set of rules too. As an Asian woman, I feel that I am more independent and aggressive than most but; still, I too was raised to be proper and reserved. Even to this day, I feel uncomfortable hugging my parents because showing emotions and affection was not something that I grew up with. Having no experience in sharing affection to our friends and loved ones, I always end up with an awkward feeling when at the end of the night after hanging out with friends, everyone parts ways by giving each other hugs. I am finally able to give female friends hugs, but still struggle to give a male friend a hug. It's not that I have any sexual feelings or intentions, but hugging a male friend still seems wrong. As if giving a hug to a male (friend or not) is taboo. Knowing this, do you blame Asian women for not responding favorably when an Asian male shows us uncomfortable signs of possible interest? Not only are we not programmed to respond flirtatiously, your signs are not clear enough for us to decipher. If you can't get past our protective walls, do you really think you'll get into our hearts?
Luckily, as women, we are fortunate enough to have the luxury to pick and choose from our "pool" of suitors. As animals do, we too choose mates according to what we believe will be the best fit. Survival of the fittest exists not only in the animal kingdom but in the human race as well. If you are timid in expressing your interest, what does that show us about how you'll be later down the line? Will we feel protected walking down the street with you (yes, we believe in empowering women, but chivalry is still desired)? Will we feel like standing by you if you can't stand on your own and express your feelings to us? Will we be able to count on you to be there when the chips are down? We need to know that our mate will be able to handle situations when they arise, as a partner, and companion.
Yes, as you are reading this, you are probably saying "what the heck is an Asian guy supposed to do then?"
My advice is to try harder. We grew up in households where love is expressed by criticism or comparisons of cousins or children of friends that are going to better schools, have better jobs, and so on as a means to encourage us to strive for more. Asian families don't teach us about affection or support us by approving our accomplishments. So unfortunately for you, you have multiple strikes against you. No, I'm not talking about what the American media leads us to believe. I am not talking about your 'size' or ability. It's rather the other areas such as compassion, human bonds or affection that you're lacking in that makes you less appealing. You are in a sense "handicapped" in the area of love on how to show it and give it. Here are a few areas and possible solutions to fix the situation and improve your chances.
1) You have been raised to hide emotions, so communication is almost a lost cause. The strong-silent types are not desired, we are looking for companions not statues. Our mothers may have accepted it, but we need more. In order to win our hearts, you will need to be more expressive about your feelings. We are not mind readers, and like to be told what is on your mind. Tell us what your thoughts or feelings are, maybe we can help or if receiving help from a woman makes you feel like "less of a man" then grow up! Or, at least tell us we look nice, compliment us, and show us you care (or at least act like it). If you don't know how to do this, pick up a book, go to a seminar, or better yet...ask a girl what she would like to hear or talk about.
2) We want romance! Even if we weren't raised in homes where feelings were expressed, and affection was prevalent, we watch movies and read books that tell us what "love" is or how it should feel. Yes, it may be a ploy against Asian men that Hollywood plays up romance, but get over it. We want to be wooed, courted, adored and yes, feel desired. Don't bitch about not being familiar with how to be romantic, where to start, or how you should go about it. You watch these movies too. If you're sleeping through them, wake up and take notes. Pick up a 'chick' magazine like Cosmo, which gives great advice on winning us over and how to keep us, plus you'll get good insight on how we operate which will also be to your advantage.
3) Don't complain when a girl doesn't give you the time of day. Most likely your technique was weak or didn't catch her attention. In that case, listen to Aaliyah, and "pick yourself up and try again." Learn from your mistakes, don't dwell over it...each experience good or bad is a chance to improve your skill. Courting is a skill that needs to be fine tuned, unless of course you're blessed with deliciously good looks and a rock hard bod, in which case women will come to you. Otherwise, practice your craft and keep making improvements. More than likely, we won't be the ones that come hunting you down, so be ready to make your moves when the chance arises. Like everything else, it's a numbers game. You may get turned down by one girl or two, maybe even ten, but eventually you will get a green light. So don't give up!
4) Bling-bling. If you flash it, yes, you'll get attention especially if looks, personality or self confidence are not things you were blessed with. Just be aware, when your bait is a nice car or expensive jewelry, more than likely, that will be the type of women you will attract. So keep this option as a last resort or you may end up with a gold digger.
5) Lastly, don't hate us for dating men that are not Asian. As I had mentioned earlier, we choose from the pool available to us. If you don't throw your name in the hat, we won't be picking you. It's plain and simple. Other guys whether they are White, Hispanic, Black or whatever go after what they want...there is absolutely no reason why Asian men shouldn't as well.
My advice is, step up to the plate if you really want to play. Asian men have a lot to offer and there are tons of women who would enjoy your company if they knew you were interested. So don't be shy, let us know. We won't bite...unless of course it's requested.
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